Or, if you prefer, I Asked Two AI Programs How Classic British Sitcom Characters Would Vote in the 2024 General Election. The results may surprise you. Not going to lie, they surprised me.

So, there’s a General Election about to happen in the UK (don’t forget to register if you haven’t already, and remember that even if you don’t have photo ID you can still do postal voting).

A big part of any General Election cycle is seeing all the opinion polls go up and down and wobble about a bit. And, obviously, a similarly sizeable section of the cycle is “passing that long campaigning period by contributing to Britain’s nonsense reserves by trying to find something to say about the whole sorry debacle”.

Here’s my offering.

So, what if we tallied up the presumed votes from various classic British sitcom characters to see which of the 2024 Political Parties would fill the majority of Sitcomland’s Parliament? That would be interesting, wouldn’t it? And, in keeping with Britain’s TV Election Night coverage since time immemorial, I’m going to skirt any personal responsibility by blaming my predictions on computers. And as it’s 2024, let’s use AI.

For the purposes of this grand folly, I’m going to see what both CoPilot and ChatGPT think. I was also going to use Google’s Gemini, but that didn’t even understand the bloody question:

Hardly a surprise from a piece of tech that recommends using glue to prevent cheese falling off your pizza. So, the big two it is.

Quick ground rules: I’ll let the software decide who constitutes a main character from each, and if it suggests more than one likely party we’ll use the first suggestion as gospel. Any suggested parties that don’t actually exist, we’ll run with the nearest modern equivalent. And we’ll keep a running total at the end of each update. Sorted.

We’ll start the batting with three well-known sitcoms containing a good old cross-class mixture of characters. First up to the crease: the Warmington-on-Sea Home Guard.

DAD’S ARMY

Crossing my fingers that neither chunk of AI tech uses this information to ultimately enslave humanity, over to ChatGPT. So, in the 2024 UK General Election, which parties would the characters from Dad’s Army vote for?

“Dad’s Army,” a beloved British sitcom set during World War II, features characters who represent a variety of social classes and political views. If they were to vote in the 2024 UK General Election, their choices would likely reflect their personalities and backgrounds. Here are some speculative guesses:

1. Captain Mainwaring: A staunchly patriotic and conservative bank manager, Mainwaring would likely support the Conservative Party. His traditional values and leadership style align well with conservative principles.
2. Sergeant Wilson: As an upper-middle-class gentleman with a relaxed demeanour, Wilson might lean towards the Liberal Democrats. His more liberal and inclusive outlook on life fits with the party’s moderate and centrist positions.
3. Lance Corporal Jones: A patriotic and somewhat old-fashioned butcher, Jones is fiercely loyal to his country. He would probably vote Conservative, valuing their stance on national security and tradition.
4. Private Frazer: A cynical and often pessimistic undertaker, Frazer might be drawn to a party with a strong stance on social justice and financial responsibility. He could support the Labour Party, particularly if they emphasize economic fairness and public services.
5. Private Godfrey: The gentle and kind-hearted medic, Godfrey would likely support the Green Party. His caring nature and concern for the well-being of others and the environment align with Green policies.
6. Private Walker: As a wheeler-dealer with a knack for business, Walker might support whichever party he sees as beneficial for his entrepreneurial interests. This could be the Conservatives for their business-friendly policies or possibly a party like Reform UK, depending on the political landscape and his personal views on Brexit and deregulation.
7. Private Pike: The youngest member of the platoon, Pike’s vote could go towards Labour. His youth and idealism might draw him to a party promising social progress and opportunities for young people.

A surprisingly cogent summary, there. It didn’t even suggest any of them have eight fingers or anything, though I personally think Fraser would go SNP. Over to you, CoPilot:

Ah, the delightful characters from Dad’s Army! Let’s take a look at some of the iconic members of the Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard and speculate on their political leanings:

1. Captain George Mainwaring (portrayed by Arthur Lowe): As the pompous yet patriotic local bank manager, Captain Mainwaring would likely align with the Conservative Party. His sense of duty and traditional values would resonate with their platform¹.
2. Sergeant Arthur Wilson (portrayed by John Le Mesurier): The mild-mannered bank clerk and Mainwaring’s second-in-command might lean toward the Liberal Democrats. Wilson’s pragmatic approach and desire for compromise would align with their centrist policies.
3. Lance-Corporal Jack Jones (portrayed by Clive Dunn): The aging butcher and war veteran, Jones, would probably support the UK Independence Party (UKIP). His catchphrase “Don’t panic!” and love for the British Empire reflect a nostalgic view that resonates with UKIP’s stance on sovereignty and independence.
4. Private Joe Walker (portrayed by James Beck): As the black marketeer and shrewd businessman, Walker would likely vote for whichever party promised economic prosperity. His opportunistic nature might lead him to support the party with the most favourable business policies.
5. Private Frank Pike (portrayed by Ian Lavender): The young and innocent Pike would likely be drawn to the Green Party. His idealism and concern for the environment align with their focus on sustainability and conservation.
6. Private James Frazer (portrayed by John Laurie): The dour Scottish undertaker would probably lean toward the Scottish National Party (SNP). Frazer’s scepticism and desire for independence resonate with the SNP’s goals for Scotland.
7. Private Charles Godfrey (portrayed by Arnold Ridley): The gentle and elderly medic would likely support the Liberal Democrats. His compassionate nature and desire for social welfare align with their policies.

An interesting convergence, there. While it’s open to interpretation who Walker would go for, and UKIP are basically now Reform, that’s basically just two of the seven main characters the AI bots are in agreement with. Anyway, I can’t stand around pondering if Private Cheeseman would’ve gone for Labour or Plaid, I’m off to East Cheam.

HANCOCK’S HALF HOUR

Some topical timing, as this update goes live on the same weekend Tony Hancock’s ATV series gets a first showing on actual telly since 1963 (on Rewind TV, Sky channel 190, which is already full of some lovely stuff. The first episode is accompanied on Sunday night by Dave Allen’s documentary on the Great British Eccentric, which is Peak Telly as far as I’m concerned). But it’s the BBC original we’re looking at here. Over to you, ChatGPT. In the 2024 UK General Election, which parties would the characters from Hancock’s Half Hour vote for?

“Hancock’s Half Hour,” another classic British sitcom, revolves around the life of Anthony Aloysius St John Hancock and his interactions with his friends. Here’s a speculative guess on how the main characters might vote in the 2024 UK General Election:

1. Tony Hancock: As the main character, Hancock is often depicted as a frustrated, slightly snobbish, and somewhat self-important figure with a deep sense of irony and social awareness. He might vote for Labour, as he often portrays a common man dealing with the absurdities of life, showing sympathy towards the working class and social justice issues. Alternatively, his occasional pretentiousness and desire for status might push him towards the Conservative Party if he thinks it aligns with his aspirations.
2. Sidney Balmoral James: Sid James, the roguish, cunning, and often opportunistic character, would likely support the Conservative Party for its business-friendly policies, given his entrepreneurial nature and schemes. However, he might also be pragmatic and vote for any party that promises to benefit him personally, possibly even considering Reform UK or another party with a focus on deregulation.
3. Bill Kerr: Bill, often depicted as naïve and loyal, might vote for Labour, reflecting his working-class roots and straightforward, everyman attitude. His simplicity and sincerity align with the values of fairness and social support typically championed by Labour.
4. Miss Griselda Pugh: Miss Pugh, the secretary with a sharp tongue and practical mindset, might lean towards the Liberal Democrats. Her independent and no-nonsense attitude could find a home in a party that emphasizes moderation, pragmatism, and individual rights.
5. Kenneth Williams (Various Roles): Kenneth Williams played various roles, often with a more flamboyant and intellectual twist. Depending on which character he’s embodying, he might support a range of parties. Generally, his more educated and sometimes elitist personas could lean towards the Liberal Democrats for their intellectual appeal and centrist policies. Alternatively, some of his more conservative roles might support the Conservative Party.

First, bonus points to ChatGPT for going with the radio series over the TV version. Secondly, I’m confiscating those bonus points for missing that Tony Hancock(‘s character of the same name) states that he’s a Tory in The Blood Donor. Though one could specify that it’s the 2024 versions of each party we’re looking at here, so I’m giving the points back again. Anyway, over to you, CoPilot.

Okay, just pretending to know it all by starting “Ah, [name of thing]” is much less convincing when you think Corporal Jones was also in Hancock’s Half Hour. So, I’ll ignore that. But interesting answers otherwise. Okay, onto our last programme.

ARE YOU BEING SERVED?

Ooh, sounds like the title of a manifesto, doesn’t it? What do our robot overlords think here? Hoi, ChatGPT – in the 2024 UK General Election, which parties would the characters from Are You Being Served vote for?

“Are You Being Served?” is a British sitcom set in the fictional department store Grace Brothers, featuring a range of colourful characters. Based on their personalities and backgrounds, here are speculative guesses on how the main characters might vote in the 2024 UK General Election:

1. Mr. Wilberforce Claybourne Humphries: Mr. Humphries, the flamboyant and witty salesman, might lean towards the Liberal Democrats. His progressive and inclusive nature aligns with their policies on social justice, individual freedoms, and LGBTQ+ rights.
2. Mrs. Betty Slocombe: Mrs. Slocombe, with her working-class background and strong opinions, might support the Labour Party. Her concerns about job security, fair wages, and social equality resonate with Labour’s platform.
3. Captain Stephen Peacock: Captain Peacock, the dignified floorwalker with a military background, would likely vote Conservative. His conservative demeanour, emphasis on tradition, and respect for authority align well with the party’s values.
4. Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold: Mr. Rumbold, the somewhat bumbling and bureaucratic manager, might support the Conservative Party, reflecting his managerial role and desire for stability and business-friendly policies.
5. Miss Shirley Brahms: Miss Brahms, the young and trendy saleswoman with a Cockney accent, might lean towards Labour. Her working-class roots and youthful energy align with Labour’s focus on social mobility, education, and opportunities for young people.
6. Mr. Dick Lucas: Mr. Lucas, the cheeky junior salesman, might support Labour or potentially the Green Party, given his youthful outlook and likely progressive stance on social issues and the environment.
7. Mr. Ernest Grainger: Mr. Grainger, the grumpy and traditional senior salesman, would likely vote Conservative. His old-fashioned views and resistance to change fit well with the party’s traditional and conservative policies.
8. Mr. Beverley Harman: Mr. Harman, the maintenance man with a rough-around-the-edges charm, might support Labour. His working-class background and straightforward nature align with Labour’s focus on workers’ rights and social justice.

Okay, over to you CoPilot.

Let’s imagine the political leanings of some of its iconic characters:

1. Mrs. Slocombe (portrayed by Mollie Sugden): The flamboyant and fashion-conscious head of the ladies’ department would likely lean toward the Liberal Democrats. Her colourful personality and desire for individual expression align with their centrist policies.
2. Mr. Humphries (portrayed by John Inman): The cheeky and effeminate senior sales assistant might vote for the Green Party. His love for nature, quirky humour, and commitment to equality resonate with their environmental and social justice agenda.
3. Captain Peacock (portrayed by Frank Thornton): As the pompous floorwalker, Captain Peacock would probably align with the Conservative Party. His adherence to hierarchy, traditional values, and penchant for authority mirror their platform.
4. Mr. Lucas (portrayed by Trevor Bannister): The cheeky junior sales assistant would likely support the Labour Party. His rebellious streak, desire for fairness, and working-class background resonate with their policies.
5. Miss Brahms (portrayed by Wendy Richard): The sassy and stylish junior sales assistant might lean toward the Liberal Democrats. Miss Brahms’s modern outlook, ambition, and desire for progress align with their centrist stance.
6. Mr. Grainger (portrayed by Arthur Brough): The elderly and somewhat grumpy senior sales assistant would probably vote for the UK Independence Party (UKIP). His nostalgia for the past and scepticism about change resonate with their platform.

Well, more divergence. At least this proves they aren’t both sucking up information from the same source. So, here’s a summary of the results we’ve seen from each, erm, polling company:

And a rundown of how the parties are looking based on our three constituencies so far:

A split in the voting, and a surprise lead for the Liberal Democrats according to CoPilot. Still, early days yet. It could all change once we get to the results for… I haven’t decided yet. Fawlty Towers, Sunnyside Farm and Justin’s House?

Anyway, until next time. I’ve been David Dimbleby and you’ve been marvellous. Goodnight.