Welcome back to day three of our ongoing (and, many might argue, entirely pointless) mission to see how Britain’s sitcom characters of fore might vote in the 2024 General Election (whilst offering a rare non-job-stealing chore to ChatGPT and CoPilot).

So far, we’ve heard from Dad’s Army, Hancock’s Half Hour and Are You Being Served? in part one, then Drop the Dead Donkey, Peep Show and The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin in part two. Three more programmes at the polling station today, kicking off with

Hi-De-Hi!

Well, here’s a constituency with a larger than average population. But where would the Maplins massive put their respective exes? Over to you, ChatGPT:

“Hi-De-Hi!” is a British sitcom set in the 1950s at the fictional Maplin’s Holiday Camp, featuring a variety of colourful characters among the camp staff. Here’s a speculative guess on how these characters might vote in the 2024 UK General Election:

Jeffrey Fairbrother: The well-educated and somewhat bumbling entertainment manager, Jeffrey would likely support the Liberal Democrats. His academic background and moderate, thoughtful approach align well with the party’s centrist and intellectual appeal.

Ted Bovis: The camp comedian and schemer, Ted would probably vote Conservative. His pragmatic approach to life and entrepreneurial spirit fit with the party’s business-friendly policies.

Spike Dixon: The young, idealistic camp comic, Spike might lean towards Labour. His youthful enthusiasm and concern for fairness and social issues align with Labour’s progressive stance.

Gladys Pugh: The patriotic and traditional Welsh Chief Yellowcoat, Gladys would likely support the Conservative Party. Her traditional values and emphasis on duty and decorum fit well with conservative principles.

Yvonne and Barry Stuart-Hargreaves: The snobbish ballroom dancing couple, Yvonne and Barry, would almost certainly vote Conservative. Their upper-class pretensions and desire for social status align with the party’s traditional values.

Peggy Ollerenshaw: The ambitious and hard-working chalet maid, Peggy would likely support Labour. Her working-class background and desire for upward mobility align with Labour’s focus on social justice and support for the working class.

Fred Quilley: The former jockey turned riding instructor, Fred might lean towards the Liberal Democrats or Labour. His experiences with the ups and downs of life might make him sympathetic to policies that support social mobility and personal freedom.

Mr. Partridge: The misanthropic Punch and Judy man, Mr. Partridge, might support the Conservative Party, valuing their traditional and perhaps more cynical view of human nature.

Sylvia Garnsey and Betty Whistler: The other Yellowcoats, Sylvia and Betty, might have differing views but could lean towards Labour or the Liberal Democrats. Their roles in the entertainment and service industry align with parties that focus on workers’ rights and social equality.

Right, that’s all them in the computer. Personally, I’d have pegged Ted Bovis as a Labour man, but one who’d immediately switch sides if he ever landed a TV or radio gig. Over to CoPilot:

Ah, the delightful characters from Hi-De-Hi!—a classic British sitcom set in a holiday camp. Let’s imagine how they might cast their votes in the 2024 UK General Election based on their personalities and backgrounds:

Jeffrey Fairbrother (Simon Cadell):
As a former professor of archaeology at Cambridge University, Jeffrey might lean toward the Liberal Democrats. Their focus on education and intellectual pursuits could resonate with him.

Ted Bovis (Paul Shane):
Ted, the camp host, is a bit of a schemer. He’d probably vote for a party that promises tax breaks or business-friendly policies. In this case, he might lean toward the Conservatives.

Gladys Pugh (Ruth Madoc):
Gladys, with her Welsh charm and love for entertainment, could be a fan of the Labour Party. Their emphasis on social welfare and community support aligns with her caring nature.

Spike Dixon (Jeffrey Holland):
Spike, the camp comic, is all about making people laugh. He might appreciate the Green Party for their environmental focus and commitment to a better future.

Peggy Ollerenshaw (Su Pollard):
Peggy, the chalet maid, dreams of becoming a Yellowcoat. She’d likely vote for a party that champions equal opportunities and social mobility. The Labour Party fits the bill.

Sqdn-Ldr Clive Dempster DFC (David Griffin):
Clive, who takes over as the new Entertainments Manager, could be a traditionalist. He might favour the Conservatives due to their historical association with stability and order.

Remember, this is all in good fun, and the characters’ political preferences are purely fictional! 😄 If you want to know the real-world party standings in the 2024 UK General Election, recent polls suggest that the Labour Party is leading, followed by Reform UK, the Liberal Democrats, and the Green Party. However, for our Hi-De-Hi! gang, let’s keep it light-hearted and whimsical!

A lighter sampling of the cast there, but quite interesting that the newly-added disclaimer addendum to the suggestions completely ignores the Conservatives and the SNP, the parties with the first and third largest numbers of MPs in the Commons. Though that likely won’t be the case in a couple of months. Possibly. Long way to go yet. ONTO THE NEXT PROGRAMME.

Red Dwarf

Yep, no reason to discount the boys from the Dwarf yet because they’re marooned in deep space three million years in the future. There’s always postal voting, and a few episodes have shown they’ve been able to travel back in time. So, y’know. Over to you, ChatGPT.

“Red Dwarf,” the British sci-fi sitcom set on the eponymous mining spaceship, features a cast of diverse and eccentric characters. Based on their personalities and backgrounds, here’s a speculative guess on how they might vote in the 2024 UK General Election:

Dave Lister: The laid-back, working-class last human alive, Lister would likely vote for Labour. His background, empathy for the underdog, and desire for a fairer society align with Labour’s focus on social justice and support for the working class.

Arnold Rimmer: The neurotic, status-obsessed hologram, Rimmer would almost certainly vote Conservative. His respect for hierarchy, aspiration for upward mobility, and disdain for what he perceives as laziness fit well with conservative principles.

Cat: The vain and fashion-obsessed humanoid descended from cats, Cat might not be particularly politically engaged. However, if he did vote, he might support the Liberal Democrats for their centrist and balanced approach, focusing on personal freedoms and individualism, which aligns with his self-centred personality.

Kryten: The service-oriented and highly ethical mechanoid, Kryten, would likely support the Green Party. His concern for the well-being of others, environmental awareness, and desire to serve the greater good align with the Green Party’s platform on sustainability and social justice.

Holly: The ship’s computer, Holly, with a sometimes quirky but logical personality, might lean towards the Liberal Democrats. Holly’s focus on logic and practicality fits well with their balanced and rational policies.

Kristine Kochanski: Depending on whether we’re considering the original series’ Kochanski or the alternate reality Kochanski, her vote could differ. The original series’ Kochanski, a competent and ambitious officer, might support Labour, given her practical and down-to-earth nature. The alternate reality Kochanski, who is more polished and sophisticated, might lean towards the Liberal Democrats for their progressive yet balanced stance.

Extra credit for offering responses for both Original Kochanski and Alt Reality Kochanski, there. What say you, CoPilot?

Dave Lister (Craig Charles):
Lister, the last human alive, is a laid-back, guitar-playing slob. He’d probably vote for a party that promises a good time and a relaxed approach to life. In this case, he might lean toward the Liberal Democrats—after all, they’re all about freedom and individuality.

Arnold Rimmer (Chris Barrie):
Rimmer, the hologram with a massive ego, would likely vote for a party that aligns with his self-importance. Given his penchant for rules and regulations, he might lean toward the Conservatives. Plus, they’re all about maintaining order, just like Rimmer.

The Cat (Danny John-Jules):
The Cat, a flamboyant humanoid feline, is all about style, fashion, and looking good. He’d probably vote for a party that appreciates aesthetics and glamour. The Green Party might catch his eye—they’re into eco-friendly fashion, after all.

Kryten (Robert Llewellyn):
Kryten, the neurotic android, is all about efficiency, cleanliness, and following protocols. He’d likely vote for a party that prioritizes technology and progress. The Labour Party could be his choice—they’re all about improving living conditions for everyone.

Holly (Norman Lovett):
Holly, the senile ship’s computer, might not even remember to vote. But if he did, he’d probably go for a party that promises a good laugh. Let’s say he’d vote for the Monster Raving Loony Party—because why not?

Kristine Kochanski (Alternate Universe):
Kochanski, the alternate universe version of the ship’s officer, is smart, resourceful, and practical. She’d likely vote for a party that focuses on science, exploration, and innovation. The Liberal Democrats or even the Green Party could be her picks.

Hmm, Dave Lister voting Lib Dem seems a bit of a stretch. Unless the rationale of it was that he’s desperately trying to impress (Alt Universe) Kochanski, of course. Onto our final programme for today.

The Young Ones

Vegetable rights and peace! Probably fair to say we’ve been ignoring the YOUNG ADULT vote so far, so let’s redress that imbalance a little. But what would the Scumbag students go for? Let’s see. ChatGPT, your starter for ten:

Rick: The self-proclaimed “People’s Poet” and wannabe anarchist, Rick would almost certainly vote for a far-left party. In the context of the 2024 election, he might support the Labour Party, especially if it has a strong socialist wing, or even a more radical left-wing party like the Socialist Workers Party or the Green Party for their progressive policies on social justice and environmental issues.

Vyvyan: The violent and destructive punk medical student, Vyvyan would likely support a party that represents rebellion against the establishment. He might lean towards the Green Party for their radical stance on change, or possibly not vote at all, dismissing the political system entirely.

Neil: The depressed, hippie pacifist, Neil would almost certainly vote for the Green Party. His deep concern for the environment, peace, and social equality aligns perfectly with the Greens’ policies.

Mike: The suave and manipulative “cool person,” Mike might vote for whichever party he believes will benefit him the most personally. Given his opportunistic nature, he could support the Conservatives for their business-friendly policies or potentially the Liberal Democrats if they promise advantageous policies for self-starters and entrepreneurs.

Alexei Sayle’s Characters: Alexei Sayle often played various exaggerated characters in the show, usually with a working-class or extreme left-wing bent. These characters would likely support far-left parties such as the Socialist Workers Party or other radical left groups.

A new addition to the list of parties, there. Not plumping for The Communist Party of Great Britain might seem a bit of a missed open goal regarding the Balowskis, but the SWP is as close as dammit (also the CPoGB dissolved in 1991). Plus, suggesting Rick would go for Starmer-era Labour suggests the data used for the machine learning is a good five years out of date. Anyway, let’s see what CoPilot go for:

Vyvyan Basterd (Adrian Edmondson):
Vyvyan, the punk medical student with an appetite for destruction, would probably vote for a party that promises chaos, rebellion, and smashing things. In this case, he might lean toward the Anarchist Party (if such a thing existed).

Rick (Rik Mayall):
Rick, the self-styled “People’s Poet” and faux anarchist, would likely vote for a party that champions radical change and poetic justice. He might lean toward the Socialist Party or the Green Party.

Mike (Christopher Ryan):
Mike, the serious and bossy cool person, would probably vote for a party that emphasizes stability and pragmatism. The Labour Party or the Liberal Democrats might appeal to him.

Neil (Nigel Planer):
Neil, the permanently depressed, lentil-loving hippie, would likely vote for a party that promotes peace, love, and environmental consciousness. The Green Party or even the Peace and Love Party could be his choice.

Skipping the problem of lumping the Balowskis into a single paragraph by just… not mentioning them makes the task a bit easier, I guess. Interesting divergence between the AI systems on this one, and a bit of cred clawed back by CoPilot in suggesting Rick would go for the SWP and that Vyv would vote Anarchist (the closest equivalent probably being the Anarchist Federation, albeit a federation of anarcho-communists rather than a political party). That said, I’ve googled ‘the Peace and Love Party’ and that just brings up a bunch of results for 60s-themed party supplies on Etsy.

So, what are the summaries from today’s polling?

And what does that do to the overall table?

So, good news for the Tories in general, and an update that would see the Green Party rubbing their eyes in disbelief.

What could the next update bring? Time will tell. There are a lot of sitcoms still to account for, after all. Until then: bye.